


Their World Alone

by manchester_macchiatos



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, 2012, 2018, A World Alone, Break Up, Coming Out, Fights, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Lorde - Freeform, M/M, Manchester City, Romance, Songfic, They get back together though, Through the Years, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and all the years in between more or less, angry!phil, cause we need it, for a bit, lowkey references the vid that shall not be named, of course, otherwise this is just a really cute little fic with a bit of angst, very lowkey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 19:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manchester_macchiatos/pseuds/manchester_macchiatos
Summary: We're biting our nails, you're biting my lipI'm biting my tongueBut people are talking-- Lorde, A World AloneDan and Phil's journey from 2009 - 2018.





	Their World Alone

**Author's Note:**

> if you've read any of my other fics, the last little section of this fic is a copy from a little oneshot i did called "who knows", so skip that if you've already read it
> 
> its better if you read it though- better ending eheh

**_That slow burn wait while it gets dark_ **

**2009.**

He was shining, fluorescent. Irises dancing and lips parted, staring out at the setting Manchester sun like it was all he’d ever dreamed of.

Dan knew he was done for. He’d known it ever since he finally laid eyes on Phil at Piccadilly Station. When the tall clutz ran through the group to envelop him in an embrace he knew he was going to get his heart broken. Yet he went for it anyway. Something interstellar, something cosmic was keeping him there. He’d never believed in the idea of having A One. Not until Phil looked into his soul and told him he’d been waiting for an hour, but it was worth it. Dan felt like he’d been waiting his whole life.

And now, high above the rest of the world on the Manchester Eye, he was basking in all the forbidden glory of AmazingPhil. He was so much more than an internet personality. So much more than just a person, to Dan at least. He was everything.

The pitch of the sky was slowly darkening, though Dan was having trouble telling through the shine emitting from the other. He had to say something. He couldn’t let a moment like this go to waste.

“Ph-”

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

Phil turned to look at Dan; all sunshine, puppies, Guild Wars and everything else amazing in the world. Radiating. Dan almost felt himself crash and fall into the metaphorical bed of roses.

“Yes, it is.” Dan smiled, it’s all he could manage. “You are.” He regretted it almost instantly. It was too cliche, too fictional love story. He felt the blush creep up his neck, spreading over his cheeks in a hot blaze.

“Dan…” Phil pulled him out of his spiral of torment only a moment later, still smiling. He had a look in his eyes. A glint. A sliver of something more. “You’re cute.”

Dan took his chance. He didn’t know if he’d ever get another one as perfect as this. “Can I… like… kiss you? Or something? Just on the cheek even? You know- it would be a cute story. People might write a song about it one da-”

“Yes, Dan.”

So he did.

\--

_We both got a million bad habits to kick  
Not sleeping is one_

That night was special. They didn’t get up to what the typical teenager/young adult might after a romantic day out. Both Dan and Phil knew they weren’t those types of people. Didn’t mean they weren’t going to find something else to do until the stupid hours of the morning.

Phil was spread out on bed, his face barely illuminated by the glow of his laptop, the lock screen stating it was 3:43am. Not the worst they’d done. Skype calls had gotten out of hand before. “Tell me more about your drama club. What was the worst teacher experience you had?”

Dan scoffed, and pulled the blanket covering his body up over his head, shifting slightly beside Phil so that their arms were resting on one another. “Such an interesting topic. Let me humour you. Have you ever heard of Hamlet?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “No Dan. I was born yesterday. I also live under a rock. And I’m illiterate.”

“Well in that case you might relate to my dumb fuck of a drama club stand in I had for a whole woesome sixth months of my life.”

Phil laughed, and nudged his head into Dan fondly. Dan could still feel the heat rising in his cheeks.

Little did they both know this would be one of thousands of late night conversations they were yet to have.

\--

 _We're biting our nails, you're biting my lip_  
 **I'm biting my tongue**  
But people are talking, people are talking

**2010.**

Things were picking up pace. More long-lasting promises. More steps taken. More moans at night. More little shows of love. But most of all - more evidence.

They’d decided they wanted to keep their relationship out of the public eye. Not from shame, they were by no means ashamed of each other. They simply didn’t want to have to be public if something went wrong. They’d seen it before. How nasty break ups or fights can be when the public had complete view of the break down happening. They wanted to protect themselves from that until such a time as they knew that it was no longer a worry. Until they knew that there was no way they would be breaking up.

It was a tough decision to make. It’s hard discussing the possibility of a break up when it doesn’t seem on the table. Dan figured it was part of being an adult. Phil knew it was for the best. They loved each other. They both knew that. So it was safe.

People were talking, but they weren’t talking too loud.

\--

 _All my fake friends and all of their noise_  
Complain about work  
They're studying business, I study the floor

**2011.**

“I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE.”

Not even 10 minutes later, Dan was curled up on the floor in Phil’s arm, a sobbing mess. It was all getting too much. The strain of uni. The sudden adulthood being thrown onto him. Making videos. Dealing with hate… sometimes just dealing with his own mentality was too much.

Phil understood. University isn’t for anyone. University definitely wasn’t for Dan.

He’d already moved out of the university lodging, explaining talking to a camera to his roommates was getting tiring. Socialising, drinking, the party life… it wasn’t what Dan wanted. As it was he spent most of his time at Phil’s anyway. When the offer was brought up, there was no question what the answer would be.

So he dropped it. He stopped studying law, because not only did he have no interest in it- but just feigning an interest was putting a dark cloud over his mental state.

Pulling out of university was one of the greatest ideas that Dan had, and the best decision he’d made, save for stalking his online crush. Now he had all the time in the world to make videos, to be with Phil. To be living the life he wanted to live.

\--

 _Maybe the Internet raised us, or maybe people are jerks_  
People are talking, people are talking  
 **But not you**

**2012.**

“Just ignore it Dan.”

“How many more time are you going to say ignore it? I don’t know where the fuck you bought your rose-tinted glasses from Phil but I’m not living in this romanticised version of real life that you are. People are catching on! What the fuck are we going to do about it?”

He was answered by silence. Dan sat on the opposite side of the lounge room, as physically far away from Phil as possible. It was taking over his life. #phanisreal this. #phanisreal that. Everything was proof. Everything was torn apart, laid out on the autopsy table, cut apart and investigated, but never put to rest. It was sickening. Dan couldn’t so much as look at Phil in a video without it being gif’d anymore.

“I’m struggling to do live shows Phil. The whole chat is just phan shit. ‘Are you gay Dan?’ ‘Kiss Phil!’ How about fuck off! Have they ever considered that as an option?”

“Dan, you know fully well what I’m about to say, but I’m going to spell it out for you.” Phil had shut his laptop. He crossed his arms, and put his feet down firmly on the floor, eyeing Dan down. He never really got like this, Dan knew something was coming. “They are a bunch of prepubescent twelve years looking for a substitute for their own shitty love life. Let them do it. This is what makes them happy. Speculation. Living vicariously through whatever they think we have together. They aren’t seeking out to hurt us. If they do, we’ll put a stop to it. For now, I think we can get by. It’s not like we’re making out on camera. They know that they’re looking into things too much.”

“Phil, they are looking into our relationship. Our love life. Our sex life! It’s bordering on fetishizati-”

Phil rolled his eyes, clearly getting pissed. This never happened. “You know that’s not true! Stop exaggerating this in your head. It’s called having a fanbase.”

“Oh, I don’t fucking know at this point Phil.” Dan threw his hands in the air, and stood up. “I’m sick of it.”

There was silence for a second as Dan started to make his way towards the hallway. “Sick of having a fanbase? I thought you loved being worshipped, Daniel.”

Dan winched, knowing fully well Phil was trying to make a point. He also knew that Phil was pissed. And not just at the ‘fanbase’. Dan was much the same. He paused and took a deep breath before speaking up again. “I am Dan from danisnotonfire. You are Phil from AmazingPhil. Why can’t we just be that?”

“Are you saying you want to go back to Dan and his roommate Phil. No longer DanAndPhil.” It wasn’t a question. The inflexion was telling. Phil was hurt.

Dan stopped at the doorway and turned to face Phil on the couch. His eyes were wide, and the blue looked more like fire than water. Dan spoke slow, words spitting out of his mouth.“You know that’s not what I meant when I said that.” Phil shook his head and looked out the window. Dan wasn’t done though. Something in the back of his mind told him to do it. Rip the band-aid off. “Maybe you should stop exaggerating things in your head, Phil. Stop lying to yourself.”

“Are you fucking kidding me Dan? How much longer are you going to lie to the world? Are we ever going to get to be in a real relationship?”

Phil was stood up now, shouting. His eyes were watering, but he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t sad. He was angry. Dan knew he’d gone and done it now. No turning back.

Phil snapped his fingers, snapping Dan’s neck back to look him in the eye. “Why are you still holding on? You can’t seriously try and tell me you still love me like you did in 2009. I saw the way you looked at me. You loved me. Now you look at me like I’m tarnishing your gold standard reputation. What has gotten into you? Toxic masculinity? Internalised homophobia?”

“Fuck off. You know I still love you. I just don’t want the world to know.”

Phil’s fists clenched, and tears started pouring. “You just-”

“Not yet.”

“Well I’m sick of waiting for something that you don’t have the guts to make happen.”

And with that Phil pushed passed Dan, down the hallway, down the stairs, and out the door. Gone.

He returned later that night for only 3 hours. Then left again, but this time with a suitcase.

\--

 _I know we're not everlasting_  
 **We're a trainwreck waiting to happen**  
One day the blood won't flow so gladly  
One day we'll all get still

**2013.**

It took Phil a week until he could step back into the apartment.  
It took a week and a half for them to talk again.  
It took two weeks for them to half-heartedly apologise to one another.  
It took a month for them to have an adult conversation again, without getting mad or salty.  
It took a month and a half for Dan to make Phil a coffee alongside his in the morning.  
It took two months for them to say “I love you” again.  
Just over two months to kiss again.  
A little bit longer to sleep in the same bed again.  
Three months later, they were in a relationship again.  
Dan swore he would change.  
Phil told him to keep to his promise.  
Dan told him he was sorry. He meant it.  
Phil said the same. He meant it.  
Dan started looking at him in videos again.  
Phil started playfully nudging him again.  
Dan stopped editing it out.  
Phil stopped losing hope for them both.  
The fanbase learned their lesson.

\--

 _Raise a glass, 'cause I'm not done saying it_  
They all wanna get rough, get away with it  
 **Let 'em talk** , 'cause we're dancing in this world alone  
World alone, we're alone

**2017.**

So much had changed. It was beautiful.

For Dan, it was like the world was colourful again. He found the internet a place of humour, love, kindness and acceptance. He made jokes, though they weren’t completely jokes. He was ambiguous when referring to his love life. He never once referred to Phil as ‘just’ anything. The fanbase knew that Phil was more than ‘just anything’ to Dan. They could tell from the videos. From the looks. The dramatic lean ins. The fond jokes. The unnecessary touching. The compliments. The new levels of comfort. Something was blossoming.

For Phil, it was as if his dreams had come true. It was because they had. Minus the corgi. That was coming soon though. He had Dan, and the internet knew that. They never had to say it explicitly. The little looks and unedited footage from Gamingmas was proof enough. Seeing the tags on tumblr posts, the constant support, the love. It was what he’d always dreamed of. He was getting ready to finally change up his look. To go on tour. To get everything he’d hidden for so long out of the way. Then he could lay back on his balcony, looking over the koi pond and petting his corgi. Turning his head to look through his walls made of glass at his beautiful fiance, hiding from mother nature in the lounge room, even though he was surrounded by it in the form of Susan 1 through 23 in their pots around the open space. Okay, maybe not exactly that. But there was a plan of sorts. He’d never been more excited.

\--

**_You're my best friend and we're dancing in a world alone  
A world alone, we're all alone_ **

**2018**

For the first time in a very, very long time- the camera in front of him seemed strange. Unfamiliar. Like it didn’t belong. However, the feeling of the sofa dipping to his left was a given.

“Are you sure?” Phil’s voice seemed lower, more cautious than usual. He was using the viewfinder as a mirror, making sure that his shirt wasn’t crinkled and the sleeves weren’t curling in on themselves, much the way that part of Dan wanted to. “It’s not too late to back out.”

“We made a promise, Phil.” Dan wasn’t so much confirming this with Phil as he was with the part of himself that was screaming at him to stop. Dan turned to look at his best friend, roommate, partner, his everything. Blue eyes with specks of green and yellow looked back, somewhat frightened and excited all at once. His newly fashioned hair was slightly messy, parting and splitting in odd places. Phil had never really used much product before, so pulling off the quiff was very much a new experience. Dan reached up and quickly pushed the odd hairs back into place, combing his fingers through Phil’s hair the same way he would if a camera weren’t on them. Having the camera there just added to the uneasiness of the whole situation.

They were plunging themselves into a whole new way of life. They’d spent so many years creating a brick wall separation between their online lives and their real life. This video was just the start of something new. Giving the people what they wanted was much more than just a fancy title for a video or an idea for the tagline of their stage show. It wasn’t so much about them understanding what the audience wanted, but the audience understanding who ‘Dan and Phil’ really were.

“Remind me, are we hiding or not?”

Dan hadn’t realised he was still staring into Phil’s eyes, his hands resting on the others shoulders. He’d been doing this more often recently, getting lost. Thinking. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but thinking had gotten him in trouble before. A constant spiral of thoughts that lead him to think of all the reactions that could come of the things he says and does.

“We’re not hiding. 2018.” Dan forced a smile onto his face, and Phil could tell. He pulled Dan in for a hug, and pretended he was pushing all of these little pieces of the puzzle together.

“2018.” Phil reiterated. They’d decided this would be the year. They’d stop hiding. It didn’t mean they’d be throwing out ‘coming out’ videos and ‘boyfriend tags’. From the very beginning they’d both been against the idea of coming out to their audience in that way, and that hadn’t changed. It would be a slow process. Dan had already started- using non-gender specific pronouns when referring to relationships, liking ‘riskier’ tweets, showing support for ‘riskier’ fanart… it was all a matter of taking risks that they would have been against a few years ago. Being their true selves. “Dan… we don’t have to be scared anymore. We can be ourselves. Enjoy this- don’t hold back. Have fun with it!” Phil was smiling now, eyes wide and pupils dilated. He moved his hand to grab Dan’s from his shoulders, and move them to the space (or lack thereof) between them. “We’re doing this. Giving the people what they want. What we want.”

Dan nodded, and couldn’t stop a grin from breaking out on this face. “They’re going to lose their shit all over the place.”

“All up the walls. It’s going to be messy.”

Dan laughed, and watched as Phil broke down into laughter as well- his tongue peaking out from the side of his mouth. He was beautiful. He’d always been beautiful, but watching the way that he grew older- how his forehead wrinkled up more and the shadows on his jaw filled in, how his arms grew stronger and smile grew wider- it was magical.

He reached out and pressed the red button on the camera, and watched as the blue light turned on and the lens focussed. “Okay, let’s go.” He nodded to himself, and tried to figure out what to say. Where do you begin in a scenario like this?

“I don’t know how to begin… we should have written a script.” Phil shook his head, obviously just as stuck as Dan. “Um… how about we just do our normal little greeting? Then you can say some nonsense…”

“Okay, take 3, 2-”

“Hey guys!”

“Hello Internet!”

“Hello…”

“So… Dan and Phil in 2018 aye?” Dan turned to look at Phil, meeting his eyes halfway. They shared a look of understanding, and Phil grinned.

“Yeah…” Phil chuckled, adrenaline already coursing through his veins.

“What’s that all about?”

“Who knows?”

\--

_**But people are talking, people are talking…** _

_**Let 'em talk** _

**Author's Note:**

> um i hope you like????????? pls let me know


End file.
